Gods and Mortals
by Euterpe's Bard
Summary: Yeah yeah, the title sucks. Artemis is sick of the Olympians fighting all the time. Lyceron is sick of his brothers picking on him. Wierdness ensues. Possible Artemis/Lyceron stuff. Rating for language.


Artemis curled herself into a ball in her seat and tried to concentrate on the arrows she was making. The tension in the air of Olympus was so thick she was certain she could pull out her sword and sever it with one stroke. Zeus had just come back from another one of his earthly romps, and Hera, as usual, wasn't happy. The gods and goddesses were sitting in the throne room and trying to concentrate on their respective tasks while ignoring Hera's death stares and Zeus's proclamations of innocence, even though everyone knew they were lies.

"I swear to you," Zeus was saying to Hera, "I haven't done anything!"

"Then I suppose that red mark on your neck just appeared of its own accord?"

"Yes-erm, no." Zeus was going to lose this one without much of a fight. "It's…um…a…burn mark! Yes! I was walking along down on Earth when I came across this burning building! There was a baby stuck inside-"

"That you probably fathered," muttered Dionysus. Zeus glared at him.

"Anyway, there was a baby stuck inside, so I naturally had to save it! The fire suddenly flared up just as I was leaving, and it burned my neck!" Zeus finished triumphantly, smiling innocently at Hera. She wasn't buying it.

"You got burned by a house fire," she said skeptically. "You, the big, powerful, _immortal_ king of the gods, got burned by a house fire?"

Zeus was beginning to shrink under Hera's gaze. She didn't believe him at all, and Artemis almost felt sorry for whatever unfortunate mortal girl had attracted his attentions this time. Hera would, of course, find out, and then go about her normal routine of taking out her rage at her adulterous husband on the other woman.

Zeus might have been the father of Artemis and her twin brother Apollo, but she felt no loyalty to him as a father at all. He had simply seen their mother one day, taken a liking to her, and…well, did what he did when he saw an attractive woman. Of the two head deities of Olympus, however, Artemis and Apollo hated Hera the most. She was jealous, granted, and she had a right to be, but she _did_ kill their mother because of something Zeus had done. When Artemis and Apollo had first been brought to the mountain to live among the gods, Artemis had taken immediately to Demeter and her daughter Persephone. The two lived as close as sisters, and Demeter was like a mother to Artemis and Apollo.

Hestia now decided it was her job to try to stop the fight before it escalated.

"Has anyone seen Hades lately?" she asked, trying to change the subject.

"I believe he's down in his Underworld," Aphrodite said, "same as he always is."

"Oh, have you been 'visiting' him?" snapped Hephaestus, who was well aware of his wife's unfaithful ways as well as Hera was conscious of Zeus's.

"Don't be ridiculous," said Athena. "You know Aphrodite doesn't go anywhere that doesn't have a mirror."

"Don't be jealous that women everywhere aspire to look like me," Aphrodite said haughtily. "Even though none of them could ever succeed."

"Yeah, no one can capture that look of constipated bitchiness quite like you," Artemis retorted. Athena, Artemis, and Aphrodite hated each other. Artemis thought Athena was stuck up and vain about her intelligence, and that Aphrodite was just an airhead with a large chest. Athena considered Artemis to be an uncultured heathen and Aphrodite to be neglecting her duties as a goddess by spending so much time on her appearance. Aphrodite just thought they were both envious of her beauty. The three spent most of their time together in heated dispute.

Apollo laughed at Artemis's comment, and Aphrodite glared at him.

"That's enough out of you," Poseidon yelled. "_All of you."_

"What do you know?" Hephaestus snapped. "You couldn't insult someone if they told you how."

Ares slammed his spear down on the ground. He was mad that someone had started a fight without inviting him.

"What do either of you know?" he said to Poseidon and Hephaestus. "I'm the only one in here with an opinion that matters! I'm the only one who could batter all your sorry carcasses into the ground!"

Artemis could tell this was about to get ugly. She slumped further into her seat, and grabbed another branch to whittle into a point. Hera and Zeus were no longer fighting, but were staring at the other gods and goddesses.

"Shut your war-mongering trap!" Dionysus shouted at Ares.

"Oh, now the almighty drunk wants to talk!" Hermes joined in.

"Just don't attack Hephaestus. There's no honor in beating a crippled lump of flesh."

Hephaestus launched himself out of his chair at Dionysus, who screamed like a little girl and cowered in his throne. Hephaestus started to swing his arms wildly while everyone else either screamed or laughed. Ares, wanting a piece of the action, threw Hephaestus off of Dionysus in one arm stroke and tossed him like a rag doll back to his seat. Athena took the opportunity of temporary distraction to hit Aphrodite upside the head with the back of her hand. Aphrodite squealed and proceeded to cat fight with Athena. Poseidon and Hermes had now joined the fray of Hephaestus, Ares, and Dionysus, eager to not be shown up.

By now the throne room was complete chaos. Hestia and Hera were trying to pull Athena and Aphrodite off of each other. Apollo and Zeus were breaking up the pile of ego- and testosterone-driven gods pummeling each other.

Artemis sat in her chair, carving the end of her arrow into a needlepoint. She was so tired of all of the fighting; at least once a day on Olympus, someone started something with someone else, and before she could blink the whole household was in shambles. It was ridiculous, the way they berated and taunted each other until they fought like rabid dogs. She had participated at first simply because there was nothing else to do, but now she was sick of it.

Suddenly, Artemis was knocked off her chair by a mass of dark hair and scraping fingernails. Athena had shoved Aphrodite backwards, and the two were now laying into each other in Artemis's lap. This was enough. Artemis pushed the two bickering goddesses off of her and flew from her seat and out the door of the hall. She sprinted across the grounds, past the stables and fountains and gardens, until she reached the edge of the mountain. Down below, the Earth stretched out before her.

Artemis didn't pause as she ran to the edge of Olympus and threw herself off the rim. She descended the hundreds of feet with grace that only a goddess could posses. The air whipped past her ears and the ground rose quickly to her feet. The second she hit the ground, she took off running through the fields, as far away from Olympus as she could.

"Lyceron, come here," Marcus said in his sneaky voice, showing his younger brother that whatever he and his twin Derelus had in mind, it wasn't good. Lyceron knew that voice well; he had been hearing it for the past eighteen years of his life. His older twin brothers passed most of their time by either mingling with their other delinquent friends in the town, avoiding questions from their parents about when they planned on moving out of the family home and becoming independent adults, or forcibly drafting their youngest brother Lyceron to participate in what they referred to as "social experiments." These tests usually consisted of Lyceron, some place where their parents couldn't hear them, and various objects of undesirability.

"We have something to show you," Derelus added, snickering with Marcus about whatever it was that they wanted to "show" Lyceron.

Lyceron backed a few paces away before responding, "Show it to me from here."

"No, you have to come _here_," they said, taking a few steps closer to their brother. The three were standing outside at their parent's house behind the stables. The house was situated on a hill above the city of Athens. There was a road on the front end leading down to the town, and the other side had a field for grazing. Beyond the field was a forest, and it was towards this that Lyceron was beginning to back towards. He knew from past experience that it was his best chance of getting away from his brothers. They would chase him for a while, and once they got bored with it, they would give up.

"I'm not going anywhere that you two tell me to."

"Oh, come now little brother," said Marcus in his fake caring voice. "It hurts us when you say that!"

"Not as much as you hurt me," Lyceron retorted. He was preparing for his getaway; he would turn and run as fast as he could into the woods.

"It's alright," Derelus said. The two were now walking towards him. "We won't hurt you."

"Yes, we won't hurt you," Marcus snickered. "_Much."_

All three boys took off running at the exact same time. Lyceron turned on his heels and sprinted for the woods, Marcus and Derelus right behind him. Lyceron ran as fast as he could, dodging trees, rocks, and plants in his attempt to get away from his brothers. He ran deeper and deeper into the trees, not daring to look back for fear that he would see his brothers about to close in on him. The scenery flew by in a whirl, until he could barely see where he was going…

* * *

Artemis didn't care where she was headed; she just wanted to get away. She darted through the trees of a forest she didn't recognize. In the back of her head she knew she was somewhere around Athens, but she didn't know where. She just ran as fast as she could, as far as she could.

Suddenly she hit something. Her feet flew out from under her, and she fell to the ground with a hard thud. Rubbing her head, she looked over to see what she had hit.

Sitting on the ground next to her was a boy of about eighteen. He had dark brown eyes and a mop of unruly brunette hair that fell over his eyes. He was fit, and wore clothes that denoted him to be from a lower-middle-class family. He was sitting on the ground rubbing his head in a daze.

"Ow," he said. "_That_ hurt."

At that moment there came the sounds of yelling from close by in the woods. The boy jerked his head up and looked around at the voices, which seemed to be coming from the direction he had been running. With no apparent warning, he jumped on Artemis and knocked her behind a rock with his hand over her mouth, just as two other boys a few years older came into view.

"Can you see him?" one boy asked to the other. Artemis assumed they were twins, considering they looked exactly the same.

"No, how about you?"

"Come on out Lyceron!" The first boy called. "Your brothers just want to play!"

"You can't hide forever," the other said. "Just come out!"

The boy who had tackled Artemis and was now holding her behind the rock said nothing. She assumed he was probably Lyceron, judging by the way he was avoiding the boys. Eventually they moved on, leaving Artemis and her captor alone.

The second they left the boy released Artemis, who pushed him away. She was about to scold him, but he spoke first.

"I'm really sorry," he said. "I just couldn't let them find me."

"Oh, erm, that's okay," Artemis said, caught a little off-guard. "I'd probably want to avoid them too."

"They're my brothers," he said. "Marcus and Derelus. And I'm Lyceron."

He extended his hand in a gesture of camaraderie, and Artemis shook it. She assumed he probably didn't know she was a goddess, or else he wouldn't be so nonchalant with her.

"I'm-" She stopped. She didn't know if she should tell him who she was, or else he might get scared. She knew as a goddess she was supposed to demand that the mortals be reverent and in awe whenever she was around, but she had never really liked the idea. She preferred the way Lyceron was behaving now; casual and friendly. Mortals weren't as bad as the other Olympians thought.

Lyceron noticed her hesitation to talk, so he quickly said, "You don't have to tell me your name."

"Thank you," Artemis said, releasing his hand. There was a moment of silence before Artemis asked why Lyceron was running through the woods in the first place.

"My brothers," he said, motioning to where the other boys had disappeared into the forest. "They like to, erm, _draft_ me for their 'experiments.'"

"That sounds…unpleasant," Artemis said. Lyceron gave a sarcastic laugh.

"Brothers," he shrugged. "Can't live with them, can't kill them."

"You have _no_ idea," Artemis muttered to herself.

* * *

Back up on Olympus, things were beginning to calm down. The pile of Hephaestus, Hermes, Dionysus, Poseidon, and Ares had finally been broken up, and the five now sat in their thrones glaring at each other. Athena and Aphrodite had undoubtedly done the most damage to each other, even though they were the smallest group. Aphrodite had two black eyes and a bloody nose; Athena was covered in scratches and shallow cuts brought on by Aphrodite's fingernails.

Zeus and Hera, having forgotten about their previous argument of Zeus's infidelity, were now standing before the gods and goddesses. They weren't any happier at their fighting than Artemis had been, and Hera was lecturing them on it.

"This is absolutely unacceptable," she was saying. "Every day this happens! It needs to stop!"

"Oh, like you've never started any of them," Hephaestus snapped.

"Hey, shut up and listen," Zeus said.

"Actually," retorted Athena, "I seem to recall this whole fiasco starting with _you_."

"Uh, hey guys?" Apollo tried to say. He had noticed something that no one else seemed to have.

"Shut up Apollo," snapped Hera. "As I was saying-"

"You're not any less guilty than Zeus," Dionysus accused.

"Guys?"

"Let's not start this again," Poseidon muttered, nursing his wounded arm where Ares' spear had sliced it.

"No, lets!" Ares thundered, rising from his chair again and preparing to do battle again with Poseidon.

"Guys!" Apollo screamed for the last time.

"WHAT?!" The rest of the gods shouted back.

"Where's Artemis?"

There was a moment of silence as everyone looked around for the missing goddess. They had all been so busy arguing, no one noticed when she left.

"To the basin," Zeus said, and everyone rushed out of the throne room.

Sitting in the center of one of the garden courtyards was a large stone bowl. The gods and goddesses gathered around it, and Zeus waved a hand just over the top of the dark water inside.

"Show me Artemis, goddess of the hunt and the moon," he said in a commanding tone.

Instantly the water began to ripple and change. It was no longer dark and still, but shimmering. Shapes began to appear in the water, and soon it showed the earth and all its inhabitants. The picture darkened again, and when it reappeared it showed a forest. Sitting on a rock next to a stream was Artemis, talking to some mortal boy. The gods and goddesses watched her with intent interest. This was the most interesting thing that had happened in a while.


End file.
